Thursday, September 21, 2006

A Modest Proposal

Preface: In order to understand this post, you must know that this year the administration shortened time between classes to three minutes from the previous four minutes. Its crazy in the halls, seriously!! I had to write a satire paper for Brit Lit, and this is what I came up with.

THREE MINUTES?!? They’re giving us three WHOLE minutes between classes? Such extravagance of time in a school day!! In three minutes one can brush AND floss their teeth. In three minutes one can read a short story. In three minutes one can copy the previous night’s Brit Lit assignment from a friend, or even attempt to do the assignment on one’s own. Why, in three minutes the whole course of HISTORY could change!! If you add up all those minutes, three minutes per day times five days per week times about 36 weeks per school year divided by 60 minutes per hour, you get NINE whole hours per year spent changing classes. Just think, nine HOURS!! I won’t even begin to mention the things one could do with that amount of time.

Now, one may travel the halls of our fair school during one of those afore mentioned three minutes and be surprised at the loud, chaotic nature of the halls. One might note the almost frantic atmosphere and think it due to students in a rush to their next class all the way across the school building. One might even feel a twinge of pity for those tiny 7th graders, seemingly already a bit uneasy in the masses of older students, that are sprawled along the sides of the corridors, books flung everywhere.

All of these scenarios may cause alarm to an uninformed outsider. Let me assure you, however, that all is well. The students who are in such a hurry are merely trying to make use of those three minutes. They get so excited at the vast quantities of time allotted that that go a bit overboard in their enthusiasm, resulting in much unnecessary yelling and flailing about. Those small 7th graders you were worried about? They’re merely playing the newest game, the game of How Many Times I Can Be Run Over Before the Next Class Without Being Tardy. A bit lengthy of a title perhaps, but still becoming more popular by the day. I’ve heard one especially talented youth holds the record at seven. So it can be understood that the fearsome hurricane that erupts when the end of class bell rings is merely a sign of excitement and even school spirit as the rest of the school begins to catch on to the 7th grade game.

An especially cautious and overbearing mother might still not be convinced. She may overreact to the occasional goose-egg on a forehead from the dropped government book or the broken bones from the especially zealous game players. She might even go so far as to suggest that the school administration lengthen the time between classes and encourage a more orderly class changing. This, obviously, is a truly pathetic idea. The worried mother merely needs to be educated about the time lost of breaks were lengthened and about the bonding, one-of-a-kind experience the halls really are.

13 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous #111 said...

HAHHA im your first commenter and i put a name...like your satire or whatever paper even though i read it already...you can stick poster putty in people's hair in three minutes....hah not your sister

3:08 PM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger Darselo said...

Ooooh the memories, the memories. Great paper. Really, it's ridiculous how much time they steal from our precious class hours under the flimsy excuse that students need it to get to class. Way to tell it like it is!

4:49 PM, September 21, 2006  
Blogger scarlatti said...

what are they thinking giving you that much time? i mean, three minutes? you could... brush your hair in that amount of time!!1

3:02 PM, September 22, 2006  
Blogger The Phantom Blogger said...

Incredible

3:25 PM, September 22, 2006  
Anonymous Irritatemous said...

I really think it would be better just to lock the kids in the same room all day and teach by a central video control center. We could fire most of the teachers and save lots of dough. At the end of each day give random drug testing. This way we can increase learning by nine hours per school year and indoctrinate each mind with the exacting knowlege most desirable in an advanced society.

8:07 PM, September 22, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are a big doofus. but, you have more writing talent than i previously gave you credit for. here's a beer to the first blog post to make me half grin in a year.
gordon

5:02 AM, September 23, 2006  
Blogger scarlatti said...

sis gordon!!!

5:03 AM, September 23, 2006  
Blogger Erika said...

Linz, i think you really ARE a brawling woman!! Your husband better buy a house with a REALLY big rooftop!! BUT thanx 4 leaving a name;-)

Darci, thanx...i did my best to do so:-)

scarlett, yanno, i think i had that example in there in my first draft, but i took it out for some reason!!

phantom, you're QUOTELESS??

Irritatemous, BRILLIANT i say!!

GOOOOOOOORDON!! you never gave me credit before?? *glares* nonetheless, i'm glad you liked it!! you owe me an email btw!!

6:51 AM, September 25, 2006  
Blogger scarlatti said...

erika, i emailed you. now YOU owe ME an email. and you can check my awesome blog. i updated...*gaaasp*!

12:02 PM, September 25, 2006  
Blogger born2fly said...

erika I LOVE IT!! show it to Mr. B!!! I already got a demerit for tardies n Spanish and its only been like, 4 weeks of school! But yeah totally hilarious. I hope mrs. byl with appreciate it as much as i did and relax on handin our those tardies!

3:21 PM, September 30, 2006  
Blogger Notliberal said...

When I was a kid we had one minute to run from one class to the next, and of course there was no running allowed indoors.

Actually, we had 7 minutes at the first high school I went to and 5 minutes and the second. I found 7 minutes to be a bit much unless you had to move from one end of the building to the other, in which case 7 minutes was just enough time. I think 5 minutes is reasonable, not only because it provides an adequate amount of time to get the next class but also because it starts and stops at a predictable time. Class ends at 9:55 and starts at 10:00. There's no guessing on whether the big hand is actually on the 7 or 8 or any of that nonsense.

9:02 AM, October 04, 2006  
Blogger Erika said...

Scarlett, YOU owe ME an email!! and i did check out ur blog and I did indeed comment.

Abbs, I thought you'd like this one;-) Mrs Byl did think it was funny, and I'm sure the Eyes Of The Faculty will get ahold of the post and make sure it goes through the proper channels;-)

NL, I was waiting for your comment on this to update. We aren't even asking for five, we were content with FOUR minutes ok...three is def. stretching it, but whatever. And there is def. the whole what minute is the hand on issue, too. This post is some of the And Stuff you were looking for;-)

1:55 PM, October 05, 2006  
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5:32 AM, February 07, 2007  

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